I was listening to Tony Evans today on KSBJ and he was speaking about the Isrealites.
When they came to the Jordan River, it was parted for them. But only AFTER they followed the instruction of God: "Give this command to the priests who carry the Ark of the Covenant: ‘When you reach the banks of the Jordan River, take a few steps into the river and stop there.’” Joshua 3:8
Tony talked about how sometimes God is ready to make things happen in our lives, often great things, but we have to take that step toward God. We have to hear his instruction and follow it.
That made me think of His calling to me to sing the song, "Our Hope Endures" in church. Being that I have never sung a solo in any kind of public venue, it is a "step" of faith I must take (and a very big one in my book) in order to move towards God and allow Him to work on this journey.
I am scheduled to sing it in church on Sunday, May 24.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
Always on my Mind
While I don't always have a lot to say about our journey to finding Hope, she is always on my mind. I wear a ring that says "hope". I have several necklaces that say "hope". My "hope tree" is still up in my kitchen with many ornaments, plus other items that continue to be given to me bearing the message "hope".
There are times I feel myself almost becoming panicky thinking that she is out there somewhere and I can't get to her or bring her to me.
But I am reminded, as I have often had to be reminded regarding the rest of my children, God loves her more than I could ever possibly love her. And she is in the palm of His hand.
I can't imagine her being in a better place.
There are times I feel myself almost becoming panicky thinking that she is out there somewhere and I can't get to her or bring her to me.
But I am reminded, as I have often had to be reminded regarding the rest of my children, God loves her more than I could ever possibly love her. And she is in the palm of His hand.
I can't imagine her being in a better place.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
When Hope is Hard to Find
We were listening to Chris Tomlin's "Hello Love" CD in the car the other day and M3 was obviously listening to the words to the song, "Love". The first line is, "When your hope is hard to find . . ." and she repeated it to me, excitedly.
The kids are so aware of the journey we are on. It is so abstract, but at the same time, it is SO real. God is with us in it, and He gives us glimpses of His presence as we take it one day at a time.
The kids are so aware of the journey we are on. It is so abstract, but at the same time, it is SO real. God is with us in it, and He gives us glimpses of His presence as we take it one day at a time.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Getting in the Game
I have told the kids a little about how I am hoping to adopt, how it will take a long time, and how expensive it is.
We drove by Sonic, and as usual, most everyone was begging to stop and get something.
M2 said, "No, we need to save our money for Hope!"
Tonight M2, M3 and M4 were busy outside with neighbors manning a lemonade stand.
When they closed up shop, M2 and M3 came in and each handed me $1.75. "That's for Hope," they said.
We drove by Sonic, and as usual, most everyone was begging to stop and get something.
M2 said, "No, we need to save our money for Hope!"
Tonight M2, M3 and M4 were busy outside with neighbors manning a lemonade stand.
When they closed up shop, M2 and M3 came in and each handed me $1.75. "That's for Hope," they said.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Pondering
In my beginnings post, I mentioned how when the Holy Spirit spoke to me about having another child, I treasured it in my heart, like Mary when the shepherds came to visit Jesus (Luke 2:19).
I didn't realize there is another time in scripture that it says she treasured something being revealed to her about her son. It was read today during the "children's sermon" at church. When Jesus is left behind in Jerusalem at the temple and Mary and Joseph go back to get him. When they ask why and what have you been doing? Jesus answers, "Why were you searching for me? Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?" It goes on to say that his parents did not understand. BUT, Mary treasured all these things in her heart. (Luke 2: 48-51)
God has reassured me today. Despite the fact Mary KNEW her child was the Son of God, there were many things she and Joseph did not understand. They were human. And God gradually revealed to them the deity of their child.
I know that Hope is out there. She is meant to be a part of our family. And gradually, God is revealing His plan for her and for us. If He gave it to me all at once, there is no way I could understand it all.
I understand more now that I did two years ago, as we faced Michael's death (two years ago today I went into the hospital to be induced after finding no heartbeat on ultrasound). I understand more than I did one year ago, when I wanted desperately to have another child, but was not pregnant. I understand more than I did last summer, when we suddenly made plans to go to Colorado and the YMCA of the Rockies - the place God promised I would not return before I had another child. But I will understand more next week, next month and next year as God continues to reveal His plan.
And as He does, I will treasure it all in my heart.
I didn't realize there is another time in scripture that it says she treasured something being revealed to her about her son. It was read today during the "children's sermon" at church. When Jesus is left behind in Jerusalem at the temple and Mary and Joseph go back to get him. When they ask why and what have you been doing? Jesus answers, "Why were you searching for me? Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?" It goes on to say that his parents did not understand. BUT, Mary treasured all these things in her heart. (Luke 2: 48-51)
God has reassured me today. Despite the fact Mary KNEW her child was the Son of God, there were many things she and Joseph did not understand. They were human. And God gradually revealed to them the deity of their child.
I know that Hope is out there. She is meant to be a part of our family. And gradually, God is revealing His plan for her and for us. If He gave it to me all at once, there is no way I could understand it all.
I understand more now that I did two years ago, as we faced Michael's death (two years ago today I went into the hospital to be induced after finding no heartbeat on ultrasound). I understand more than I did one year ago, when I wanted desperately to have another child, but was not pregnant. I understand more than I did last summer, when we suddenly made plans to go to Colorado and the YMCA of the Rockies - the place God promised I would not return before I had another child. But I will understand more next week, next month and next year as God continues to reveal His plan.
And as He does, I will treasure it all in my heart.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
A Direction?
Don has pretty much ruled out foster-to-adopt, which was where I was leaning.
And every time I go to an adoption site dedicated to adopting newborns, I feel guilty. I have had the priveledge of having four newborns of my own, and there are so many out there who cannot have even one. In my heart, I feel like I would be taking a baby away from someone.
That leaves adopting an older child domestically or international adoption.
Tonight we went to dinner at The Taste of Texas with Don's business group. It is one our favorite restaurants and happens to be the place where we had dinner the night before I started treatment for my cancer.
It seemed a fitting bookend to "the other side" of cancer.
While we were there, I met one of Don's colleagues, J.P., who happened to be from Guatemala. We talked about many things with several other colleagues. And as it turned out, he ended up sitting at our end of the table of over 20 people.
As I was sitting there, conversing with all the people around me the thought occured to me: "What if J.P. was put here to direct me to the idea of adopting specifically from Guatemala?"
A short time later, the restaurant was clearing out, and it was getting quiet. I could hear music playing over the intercom system. The song playing was "Our Hope Endures" by Natalie Grant. It is a song that God had given me (through a friend) last month and I had been listening to it daily.
I felt like that was a sign that yes, I was going in the right direction.
And every time I go to an adoption site dedicated to adopting newborns, I feel guilty. I have had the priveledge of having four newborns of my own, and there are so many out there who cannot have even one. In my heart, I feel like I would be taking a baby away from someone.
That leaves adopting an older child domestically or international adoption.
Tonight we went to dinner at The Taste of Texas with Don's business group. It is one our favorite restaurants and happens to be the place where we had dinner the night before I started treatment for my cancer.
It seemed a fitting bookend to "the other side" of cancer.
While we were there, I met one of Don's colleagues, J.P., who happened to be from Guatemala. We talked about many things with several other colleagues. And as it turned out, he ended up sitting at our end of the table of over 20 people.
As I was sitting there, conversing with all the people around me the thought occured to me: "What if J.P. was put here to direct me to the idea of adopting specifically from Guatemala?"
A short time later, the restaurant was clearing out, and it was getting quiet. I could hear music playing over the intercom system. The song playing was "Our Hope Endures" by Natalie Grant. It is a song that God had given me (through a friend) last month and I had been listening to it daily.
I felt like that was a sign that yes, I was going in the right direction.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Valentine's Day
Radiation is complete.
I am ready to start looking to the future.
Adoption in general is just plain overwhelming. There is domestic, international (and if so, which country), foster-to-adopt? Boy or Girl? How do we pay for it?
I pray constantly that God will guide me in the direction He would have us go.
I have been researching adoption options, talking with others who have been there, gathering information, etc.
When Don and I went to lunch today, I asked him about how he was feeling about adoption, explained to him the different things I was considering, and asked what he thought about it all.
He is very preoccupied with our church building project. The building won't be started until the fall. And there are a lot of things that must happen before the foundation can be laid.
It is heavy on his mind and he really feels he cannot consider adoption until the building is started.
He is doing what God has called him to do. I am setting about doing what God has called me to do. And I pray that, over time, God will steer his heart towards adoption as well.
I am ready to start looking to the future.
Adoption in general is just plain overwhelming. There is domestic, international (and if so, which country), foster-to-adopt? Boy or Girl? How do we pay for it?
I pray constantly that God will guide me in the direction He would have us go.
I have been researching adoption options, talking with others who have been there, gathering information, etc.
When Don and I went to lunch today, I asked him about how he was feeling about adoption, explained to him the different things I was considering, and asked what he thought about it all.
He is very preoccupied with our church building project. The building won't be started until the fall. And there are a lot of things that must happen before the foundation can be laid.
It is heavy on his mind and he really feels he cannot consider adoption until the building is started.
He is doing what God has called him to do. I am setting about doing what God has called me to do. And I pray that, over time, God will steer his heart towards adoption as well.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)