Holding on to Hope

The most amazing blog entry EVER on hope . . .

Keeping the Faith

I don't know if it is just the time of year, but my hope was waning this time last year, too.

You would think it would be a time of increased faith and hope and joy.

Maybe, partially, it has been nearly a year since my treatments ended, and nearly a year since I started earnestly longing for the reality of Hope in our lives.

Yet, it seems, we are no closer to seeing or understanding how it is she is to become real to us.

Thankfully, God is very REAL, especially at this time of year.

And he uses the season to infuse me with hope from His word. Here are some verses I have heard read this month that have significance to me in this journey:

"But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart." Luke 2:19

The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17 (This was the verse God gave me for Michael when I was first pregnant with him. It took on great meaning as we learned what it meant to be "saved". Also, God revealved to me last month the significance of the verse's location: 3:17. It is also Michael's birthday 3/17/07.)

And I continue to receive gifts of hope, from Kim, Marie, my Mom and M3. They adorn my home and serve as reminders not to give up. To keep the faith.

Adoption ban lifted

I just received an email from the Guatamala adoption yahoo group I am a member of linking an article that confirms the ban has been lifted.

I don't know what to think about that. It seems to be settled in my heart that adoption was not the route we would take.

All I can do is continue to pray . . .

Heart turning

God is changing my heart again.

I am now nearly a year from being healed from the burden of my grief of losing Michael. And a year from feeling called to adopt a child.

Now I am feeling called NOT to adopt.

I think God wants me to have another baby.

My body is healed. I have waited faithfully (although not always gracefully.) And my heart is not aching for a Guatemalan baby anymore.

It would be nice just to say things were the same. That I would keep being patient and that eventually Guatemala would open up and we would find Hope there.

But I think, maybe, God was just having me wait to get to this point of health.

I am prayerful that God would even give me my "Christmas present" of not having to do chemo in December because I am pregnant.

I have no doubt, though, that His plan is perfect.

Good News

regarding my health.

Not only was my quarterly CT scan clear this week, but "there has also been interval improvement/near complete resolution of post-radiation inflammatory changes involving anterior lungs".

Basically, I am cancer free and now almost completely/completely free of any damage from the proton radiation!

There is supposed to be unavoidable burning and permanent damage done when you have radiation. Our thought was, by doing proton, that we would minimize such side effects. But it appears that God has seen fit to heal that completely as well.

I am so thankful!

Michael's 2nd birthday

Today would have been Michael's second birthday.

Some things get easier and some harder as time goes by.

Mickey is getting to be such a big boy now, that I am really missing having a "little one" in the house.

I will always miss Michael being in the house.

Mickey asked recently if Michael was alive, where would he be?

I told him that Michael would be home, with us.

I think Mickey misses Michael being in the house, too.

Patience

"Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him . . ." Psalm 37:7

I am currently doing a devotional book entitled, The One Year Book of Hope by Nancy Guthrie, which led me to the scripture in Jeremiah 27:11. I am using the Max Lucado Inspirational Study Bible as my Bible for my quiet time, and the following was the "Life Lesson" from the Jeremiah verse:

"The ability to accept delay graciously. Calmly. Quietly. Understandingly. With a smile. If the robe of purity is far above rubies, the garment of patience is even beyond that. Why? Because its threads of unselfishness and kindness are woven on the Lord's loom, guided within our lives by the Spirit of God. But, alas, the garment seldom clothes us!

Remember the verse?

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace . . .

And what else? The first three are the necessary style along with the buttons and zipper of the garment. The rest give it color and beauty:

. . . patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control . . .(Galatians 5:22-23)

The ability to accept delay. Or disappointment. To smile back at setbacks and respond with a pleasant, understanding spirit. To cool it while others around you curse it. For a change, I refused to be hassled by today's delay. I asked God to keep me calm and cheerful, relaxed and refreshed. Know what? He did. He really did! No pills. No booze. No hocus-pocus. Just relaxing in the power of Jesus."

From Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life by Charles Swindoll

So I have been linked from hope to patience. I found it very fitting for today.